


the sweetest thing that i know

by malec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Finale, kind of a character study for alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:06:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malec/pseuds/malec
Summary: when he was younger and things were simpler, his mother used to say to him, ‘patience, alexander. you will know love when it comes.’ and for a long time alec thought that he never would know. especially after his mother’s eyes grew colder over the years and she never spoke of love again





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a small malec fic. it's quite short and kind of a character study (??) for alec.

when he was younger and things were simpler, his mother used to say to him, ‘patience, alexander. you will know love when it comes.’ and for a long time alec thought that he never would know. especially after his mother’s eyes grew colder over the years and she never spoke of love again 

* * *

he feels as though he is drowning in his past. the guilt and fear he felt all those years ago resurfaces and pulls him under, back into the darkness he is just beginning to escape. it’s suffocating and terrifying, 

flashes of jace race by; their first meeting, their first deep conversation, the first time jace looked at alec and alec knew his feelings for jace were different. he remembers their parabatai ceremony and the soft smile izzy gave him from across the room. 

(he remembers seeing izzy having fun with boys, all the shameless flirting and kissing in dark corridors and wishing that he could do that. he remembers the burning feeling of confusion and denial when he saw flashes of himself being the one pressed against the corridor wall by another man.)

it’s all too much, all stuff he wants to forget in order to move on, and he feels himself slipping further and further. until suddenly there is the feeling of warmth. not the burning of fear or lonlieness, but a warmth so pure there is a momentary burst of sun in the dready clouds that are his memories. it stays with him for however long he is out. it feels like years though he knows it is only days.

the warmth is unyielding, with him for every moment except for the few before he wakes in his brothers arms, both of them broken yet alive. after jace has been taken away and izzy has scolded him and hugged him for the longest time, magnus touches his face gently and sits beside him.

magnus’ fingers pressed to his jaw, alec feels it again. that warmth. he burrows closer towards it, presses his head into magnus’ neck and wraps his arms around him until he feels the warmth in every single part of his body. 

he thinks then that perhaps he may know.

* * *

he feels it time and time again now. it’s always there, a soft warmth that increases with a touch, a smile, a lingering kiss. sometimes it feels like the sun is inside of his chest when magnus’ eyes shine up at him or when they hold hands and talk deep into the night. 

* * *

who magnus has been with will never be an issue for him, no matter the number or the gender. 

his heart feels close to boiling when magnus says he does not care if alec has never been with anybody. 

* * *

before he gently pushes magnus towards his bedroom he pulls away, eyes searching for consent. magnus nods softly, leaning in to kiss alec’s jawbone, and together they move towards the bed. alec’s nervousness disappears in moments the second magnus puts his hands on him. he feels safe, no judgement or critisism.

afterwards, the sun is coming in though the cracks in the curtains and soft rays of light fall upon the both of them. they kiss softly, magnus grinning gently as they pull away, and as alec looks at the smile on his boyfriend’s face he realizes what the ceaseless warmth inside of his chest is.

he knows.

(he doesn’t say so yet.)

* * *

his mother’s eyes are dry, her cheeks no longer shining. jace has long since left to speak to max, and alec and his mother are alone. there is a long pause in which she looks at him ( _really_ looks at him) and the softest smile breaks out on her face. it’s something he hasn’t seen since he was a child, and even then it was a rare sight

her hand rests against his cheek lovingly and he meets her eyes. ‘you know, don’t you?’ 

there is no need for a reply. 

he’s known for a long time now.

* * *

the moment magnus’ hand touches his, alec feels warmth fill his entire body and he feels safe again. he hopes the hug he pulls magnus into conveys how thankful he is to see his boyfriend alive. victor’s story rings loud in his head and he recalls the feeling of utter helplessness when he believed magnus may have been hurt, or worse.

‘i love you’ has never felt so hard yet so easy. the way magnus’ eyes light up any feelings of doubt, however. he would say those three words over and over, and find new ways to express his love if it meant he could see magnus’ eyes so bright again.

(’i love you too’ feels like coming home and never being afraid again). 

their kiss is tender and loving. it puts alec back together, his worries melting away. his heart is bursting with light, with heat, with **_love._**

he knows.

he loves magnus bane more than words could possibly ever express.


End file.
